THIS was hard. It was hard from a technical standpoint, but this assignment that I have given myself is harder on a whole other level of hard. But, we'll get to that in a minute. Technically, I've had this image in my mind for a few weeks now. I was going to get someone to help me take the picture, but then I went and gave myself the assignment to do each of these photos completely unassisted. So, here's me, doing the old "turn the camera around backwards and hope for the best" trick...136 times in 30 minutes! And wouldn't you believe, not ONE of them is exactly what I wanted. Well, there was one, but it wasn't focused properly:
THAT is exactly what I was going for...only I wanted it in focus and without a big shadow on my eye. Anyway, after 30 minutes I had to go get ready to go to work. Not to mention I was sick of taking pictures of myself. And the really big problem was that my eyes were HURTING! I have a newfound respect for models, because, like Tyra teaches, they have to constantly "find their light". That means turning yourself towards your light source. If you don't, you get unflattering shadows, bags, and a bunch of other yucky stuff happening all on your face. Seeing as how, in my head, I wanted my eyes to be gazing upwards in this picture, that presented a problem. I was basically STARING at the sun in each one of these shots. I'd say of the 136 I took, a good 80 turned out to be of me squinting or grimacing. So, yes, technically, this was hard. And I didn't really get exactly what I was looking for either. Maybe after this assignment is over, I'll repeat this shot...with help!
Now to get to the "whole other level" of hard...THIS ASSIGNMENT is HARD! In an effort to be transparent--like we are supposed to be--I'll explain why this is going to be so hard for me. I've struggled with my self-esteem for a pretty long time. I'm doing much better now than I used to, but it still creeps up on me occasionally. Well, I think this assignment is gonna have to be my "get free" time! Because taking billions of pictures of yourself presents two challenges: you're gonna have some not-so-flattering shots and you're gonna have to objectively look at all the pictures to determine which one is the best. Sometimes, God frees you from stuff by just taking it away. Sometimes, you have to go through some things to figure it out on your own. Other times, he just puts it in your face all day every day until YOU finally let go! Looks like that's what He's doing with me right now. Ultimately, that's a good thing, but it's gonna be uncomfortable. On a brighter note, I also see some good sides to this assignment. First, I'll be MUCH more fashionable on a regular basis, if I'm going to have to be toting around a camera and taking pictures of myself every single day! Second, I get to look for beautiful things WITHIN myself rather than just looking out into the world. MORE TO COME!
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