So, I know what you're thinking...well, that's a depressing photo. But, this is a self-portrait project, and it's a part of me--but I don't consider it depressing at all. Today, I got some sad news. And to explain it, I need to explain a little more about who I am. God gave me a burden, and that is for young men who get sucked into this life of crime/gangs/negativity. Things that happen that are somehow related to my burden make me cry kind of often. Much more than I ever cried before I knew what my burden was, anyway. At first, it bothered me, because I was raised by a tough, italian, football coach father who all but BANNED crying in our household! (If he had it his way, he definitely would have.) But, as I get into the word more and more, I see that crying is actually a quite natural part of having a burden. Jesus cried for his people often. Nehemiah cried. Lots of people in the Bible cried, and after the crying follows the action. I think it's something that has to happen to free your spirit from the hurt so that you can get to work. So, now, I'm accustomed to it. Anyway, today I found out that a young man that I've known since he was 12 or 13 has passed. He's about 18 now. He hasn't had the greatest life, and he hasn't made the best choices. I'm still not even sure of how he died. To compound things, my nonprofit organization is mentoring his older brother. I haven't heard from him in about 3 weeks and I can't get in touch with him. He's in the process of turning his life around, and for some people, experiencing something like this could make you give up on yourself. But, I have faith that he will make it through this.
So, anyway, it rained all day today and I had a kind of busy day. My plan was to go outside after the rain stopped and take a picture of me stomping in a big ol' puddle making a giant splash...a happy picture to show my playful side. But, then I got this news. And I really wanted to document this side of me, because I think it's a side that a lot of us have, but we are ashamed to show it. I used to be there. Now, I cry unashamedly. I can be in public. I can be in a movie. I can be in church. I don't care. Because my tears are not only necessary to help my spirit heal, but they very well might be helping someone else, too.
With all that being said, I dedicate this picture to Courtney B. His memory lives on in the hearts of those who love him. Forever.
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